Daddy Bulb on the death bed…..

After 4732 hours of giving light to this family, after witnessing deaths of two of my own children by the hands of these toddlers, tomorrow when the third generation of this family switches me on I will fuse, I will die. But son remember we are not like those neon lights or the CFLs and what not, you got a family name to uphold, we come from a very respected family of bulbs, you are a direct descendent of the bulb the Almighty made and after this night you will be the last one on this planet.

Son it is not easy to be a good bulb, they will turn you on and leave for two months on vacation and son, I will tell you this, you will get hot as hell but you should not give up, I survived three and a half months, your granddad was old he blasted right in front of me, back then you were just a torchlight, ah those days, torchlight days are the best. But son now you are in lamp with greater voltage comes greater responsibility, don’t you forget that.

One day you will get on wall like me and your mother, son, remember never fit in a weak holder, those weak things give up and they take you down with them and no bulb can survive that fall.

Darling don’t you cry, I will wait for you up there in the rooms of heaven. I will save a plug for you up there right beside me.

So let us eat. Son from today I want you to say grace…

Son: Dear almighty Edison thank you for the fuse, the strength to survive the heat, the voltage and this family…….Edis.

Everyone: Edis.

It’s just unknown

Sometimes at crossroads in our life, when things are not ‘The Best’ we tend to believe or at least start thinking, that, what if there is only one exit to this maze called life. What if, what we do, doesn’t actually changes the end result, doesn’t actually matter. What if, working hard is just like taking the longest and the roughest route to the same exit which was right there, where we started?

Does it really matter, do we matter?

Our actions have anything to do with the result?

Yes...Yes...Yes.

It is like we are inside and outside the crystal ball at the same time. What we do, affects everything and everyone around us. We don’t know we are affecting them, they don’t know they’re affected by us, in the same way as we don’t know that we are affected by them. Everyone, every living being having a sane top floor is symbiotic. The only thing we can do independently is a ‘Self-Hi-Five’ and believe me or we all know, it is not that fun, not even in the frame if we compare it to an actual ‘Hi-Five’ which is by the way totally awesome. Sorry for the sidetracking, I have been deeply affected by Barney Stinson :P. So the crystal ball, we mold our own future slow, steady and involuntarily, but, since we are symbiotic we mold everyone’s future as everyone molds our future.

It is true that the end result of solving the most elusive, most baffling problem ever know called ‘LIFE’, would be same for everyone, but life is not like a movie or it is like the most awesome-est movies ever ‘cause the end doesn’t really matter. It is a movie with infinite climaxes so if you miss one out, don’t worry there is another one, right around the corner. The life of this thing called “Life” is another thing called hope. Sometimes it transforms into faith and a beardy man is created, people gather around him, they bow and pray.

Often people say things like ‘it’s all about the journey’. Not always but in the broader sense yes it is because any stoppage, is nothing but a pause, any achievement or failure is just a part of a bigger success (or failure).

Death is absolute. True. But then again nothing is absolute. It’s just unknown ‘cause there is no one left to pass on the tale.

As anything else, Life has its perks and its turn offs. But it should be cherished the way it is, because only if tomorrow is unknown we would like to come out the world of our dreams and experience it.

Whenever I'm sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead!

I distinctly remember that day. A boisterous class of 50; 11 year olds thumping desks, howling like dogs, showing the world around them that they are the senior most students in the building with the exception of the few repeating the ‘fifth’ grade. Some are busy playing book cricket, others pen fight, and some are just staring at the walls or outside the windows, a few hyperactive ones whirling around in the class as if they would actually fly. A few overtly ‘pdhaku’ leaned over their books; I personally enjoyed disturbing these peculiar souls, ‘cause seriously who can actually study in a classroom sounding like a fish market, then the class monitor who was basically the doorman of the class yells “mam aagayi aur haath mien paper bhi hain”. Usually the thought that marks of an subject will be revealed would take my moral a notch down but not this time, this periodical had been good, unexpectedly, but it had been A’s all along the way, not that I would top the class or anything, even top 10 seemed very difficult, but back I then was the ‘glass-half full’ kind of kid, ‘good enough’ percentage were good enough for me.I don’t exactly remember what was it; the 5 straight A’s or what, but I had a nice feeling about it.

The sixth subject was Sanskrit; we were tested on it for the very first time. Then the teacher started calling out roll nos. ….1…2……8...full marks very good…9…..i was 14 but I was on the table when she called 9 and as others took their papers I had the first look at the very first failure of my life. I failed a subject for the first and the last time in my life (for now). I scored a 14/50 and I couldn’t believe it, I re-totaled it again and again, my (once-twice failed) friends were suggesting me to add answer in the empty spaces or at the last or maybe change some answer a bit, others were just patting and saying “koi baat nhi yaar.”And I was just crying like a toddler. During my early years I was the crying types, it is embarrassing but it is the truth, I used to cry even if others cheated in a game and petty stuff like that.

Back home jaws dropped and cracked some floors, ‘Gharwale Log’ were surprised and in a way disgusted, I mean they had seen low marks but a F, they never expected I would sink so low. After some more crying and a good nap, I was back, I mean I was a bit unruffled and restrained for a few days but actually my lamenting had stopped. But I took it as a challenge and as the great Barney awesome Stinson says, I said “Challenge Accepted”.

Second periodicals only one ‘A’ in the report card and that was right beside the previous ‘F’, I scored 46/50 which was quite an improvement. I never scored more than 75% in Sanskrit ever, after that one time. But I still remember the ‘shlok’:

                                                                               “Om Asato Maa Sadgamaya |

                                                                                Tamaso Maa Jyotirgamaya |

                                                                                Mrtyormaa Amrtam Gamaya |

                                                                                Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||”                                                          

Failures do teach you lessons which help you to ultimately achieve success. That year I was led to believe (by myself) that if I really want to do something, I can do it.

I thought the same when I decided to take a drop for JEE.I still thought if I want to, I will. I really wanted to make 10 April 2011 a very memorable date when I fuck JEE and come out jubilated, but I fucked up and there was nothing in this world I could’ve done after I stepped out of the exam hall to undo that. On 25 May 2011 which again could has been a very good part of my memory proved to be a disappointment yet again.

But then again it’s not like this was unforeseeable, I mean I was standing on a highway may be in the speed lane with the lowest max. Limit, but still it was a highway, I was just hoping and wishing that the approaching driver miss me but he didn’t. (Head on Collision)

TRUE STORY.

Nonetheless however big the failure be, it is just a lesson or more elegantly said as a “stepping stone” to success.

As the legendary Barney Stinson says, “Whenever I'm sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead!”

Anonymous

Pam and Sam had a terrible fight today. Usually when they have a fight they go to their friends for a solution and within the day things are cooled off and life is back to normal. But not this time, since, they have no-one to talk to, as their friends are out of town for the weekend and their Cellphones are switched off or out of reach.

Sam is obviously kicked out of his room today. He is in the study listening to music; it soothes him and reading news, checking mails. Suddenly the weekends are free for both of them; otherwise they would have gone to some concert or movie or doing something ‘together’.

‘He must be enjoying himself’ mutters Pam. But she is all fidgety and sad. She has to talk to someone about this; she has been like this forever. First it was her mom and then her BFFs even Sam was in this list of people to whom she would go
to seek advice and get relaxed but not today.

Nowhere else to go she goes to...…..Google.

After some gogling she finds out there are some sites to chat to complete strangers, some sites to tell your problem and people respond to it with solutions. She likes the second idea and after all the registrations she enters her problem “had a fight with the Husband”. Enter. Then she leaves to change.

After about 10 minutes she checks the replies:

Leave him.

Leave him and come to me.

Talk to him. (Not really an option for her)

Go party.

Divorce.
....
....
....
....

After reading a few replies she understood this won’t help her. She closes her Laptop and lie down trying to sleep, which seems impossible to do without Sam in the room. After about half-hour she starts to turn the bedside lamp on and off and then same with AC and the Television. After she had interacted with everything she possibly could have, she switches her laptop back on.

So she goes to the first option and opened a chatting site, relieved that there were no registration she enters the site.

Anonymous: hello

You (Pam): hello

Anonymous: How are you doing?

You: Not good. What about you?

Anonymous: Why what is wrong?

You: Had a terrible fight with the husband, kicked him out of the room.

Anonymous: Poor chap, what was the reason?

You: Nothing much.

Anonymous: It’s okay if you don’t want to tell. Can I guess?

You: Okay go ahead.

Anonymous: Did he lie?

You: Yes!!!! He lied. About where he was, yesterday night he came late and said he was in the office working late. :X

Anonymous: Then you confronted him?

You: Yes and he lied again.

Anonymous: Maybe he was planning a surprise for you.

You: No!!! He never does that. Anyways thanks for listening to my problem what’s your name? (Thinking Anonymous is
a man therefore he is saying stuff like surprises.)

Anonymous: Sam.

Astonished Pam disconnects. She goes to the study-room; Sam is not in the room. Pam turns and leaves thinking he was some other Sam or even some Samuel or even Samantha.

Sam returns from the balcony and smirks at the screen of his computer which reads:

Anonymous: No!!! He never does that. Anyways thanks for listening to my problem what’s your name?

You: Sam.

Anonymous has disconnected.

He closes the door which was now opened thinking maybe Pam came to check him. He says “Women!! They never trust, well it’s a consolation that someone else is also kicked out of his room.” He goes to sleep on the couch wondering why the women on the other side of the screen disconnected.

In the morning things have cooled a little bit down. Pam is preparing the breakfast and there are two plates on the dining table, Sam happy seeing this starts the conversation: “you know what happened last night, I was chatting to this woman she had also kicked her husband out but then she suddenly disconnected, I wonder why?”

Pam listening to this asks, “Where were you last night when I came to check you”, Sam replies, “I was in the room all the time”. Pam: Don’t lie to me again, where were you?

Sam with his head shook down “I went to the balcony to smoke.”

Pam now realizing the whole thing says “I love you baby.”

Sam confused “for what. Smoking!!!. Does this mean I don’t have to quit.”

Pam realizing Sam does not understands what actually happened and still thinks he is going to surprise her says “I love you and that’s why you have to give up smoking.”

Sam still confused but happy “Women……you just can’t understand them.”

Eternal Death.

Why do I live?
Why do I work?
Why do you love?
When we all know,
How it ends.

How our demise descends,
From the heaven and the hell.
When we all know we will end up dead.
Everyone we know or love or hate will be dead.

Why do we clinch our fists to hold the sand to the last second?
When we know, how hard we try doesn’t even matter.
Why?

There is no light on the end of any road
It’s just an illusion of felicitousness and laud.
As is the discrepant concept of forever,
Afterlife, the good and the Sinner.
Seeded in the veins of our society to con us,
Out of the reality of the world, the nothingness.

In this light of the darkness,
There is no god no goddess.
The only thing that is true and absolute
Is death.
As ravaging these thoughts are
They are nothing but true.

I call upon my ever lost intellectuality
To save my soul from this calamity,
But the psyche I looked upon to save me
Is drowning me in this ocean of void and nullity.
No matter how hard I try, my optimism is dying,
It can’t find the answer to this simple questioning
Of the world I used to believe in.
How would it all end?

My beliefs are giving in,
And I accept my defeat,
To the only truth,
The only absolute concept,
Of Eternal Death.

I Miss Someone.

Sometimes on cold nights,
I miss someone;
Who was never there.

May be it’s the Dylan’s songs,
Which lullabies me to sleep nowadays,
Or that girl I saw today;
That makes me so Insecure,
So Vulnerable.

Or maybe I just miss
Sleeping on my mother’s lap.
Maybe I just miss my innocence,
My freedom as a toddler,
My freedom to be improper.

The time
When the world was mine.
There were,
No goals to achieve,
No reality to perceive
When it was fine to be late,
And my world was free of hate.

Then I grew up to be an ugly dude,
Mean chaotic and rude.
Dreaming of heights I can never reach
Stoned by the world, I exasperatedly preach,
For my existence is in danger,
I chose to fight.

Maybe I will win,
Maybe I will retreat,
Maybe I will die.

But I will never be the same again,
Slapped by the winds of time,
I will never be innocent again,
I will never again be in my prime,
‘Cause I will never be a child again.
I will never be a kid again...........

Suicide

Sometimes sitting in empty rooms
A thought tickles me out,
Of dreams of grandeur.
A thought that,
What if I die now?
Right now I leave this world of materialistic shit,
And this soul of worthless grit.

How would the metal knife
Lying beside me,
Feel inside my chest.
Will it treat my heart and soul?
Would it be painful or easing?
I wonder.

What happens once I am dead?
Will I be born again?
Or I will reside with the rain,
Up above the world so high,
In the clouds, out of sight.

In between this beautiful fantasy
And the horrifying reality.
What would you chose
Life or Death?
Live or die,
Suicide.

My mother enters the room
With a glass of milk.
Clearing my stupid gloom,
Shaking me out of my suicidal dream,
And then we hear a Scream.

The boy next door hanged himself,
Seeing the grief in his mother’s eyes
I thought what if I had done this to myself
My mind ideated my mother’s cries.

Shuddering in fear
I left their house.
I asked my mom, am I dear?
She said no;
You are the dearest.
She kissed my forehead
And lullaby me to sleep.

Lying in my bed
In the silence of mid-night
I keep my hand on my chest
To feel the beating heart.
Happy I am, that I am alive,
That I didn’t commit suicide.